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Yosodog

Turn back now if you don't want to see boobies.

The long awaited sql to my best series ever, "The Quest for the Perfect Tits." You can view that thread here.

First of all, let's get something out of the way. We in no way discriminate against fake tits. We're simply looking for the pair of tits. It doesn't matter whether or not nature created them or your favorite plastic surgeon, boobs are boobs.

We're going to go ahead and take a look at one of the most famous Reddit girls, /u/exilevilify (she also went by unicornblood12). There are a ton of her pictures out there so here's a link to one of the best albums I could find of her.

Let's start. This girl was truly bless and apparently, they're real. She posted some gif of her bouncing them around (which I can't find) and it seemed like they were real. However, I'm not expert at fake tits but I'm gonna believe these are real.

2JNDhtI.jpg

Here's our first image. As you can see, perky, nipple coloration is amazing, and the nipple size is also right where it should be. 

xxyr1Ck.jpg

She's not even supporting them up at all and they're still holding strong. Fake?????? Don't tell me that or I'll lose hope.

fJa1JMl.jpg

Now here we get a bit different lighting. As you can see her tits are fairly veiny, which isn't horrible at all. However, it does deduct a point.

Nns6gra.jpg

Now before you call me a shallow ass hole, you have to remember that this is the quest for the perfect tits. PERFECT. Tits aren't all about just the tits, the surrounding area should also be great. Her body is really good, however it's not perfect. She doesn't have that great curves and she doesn't have that line going down the middle. Not sure what that's called... it's like in the middle of her abs and goes down to her belly button. 

dl6tm3j.jpg

Here's a full frontal of her body. You're definitely going for the boobs and not the body.  Don't get me wrong, good body, but not perfect.

pFyGyXH.jpg

Underboob and the camera isn't even under the boob? Yup, pretty good. They really  look fake here, but I'm still holding on to hope. In fact, these look like completely different tits but I can assure you they're the same pair.

geFTqxO.jpg

Not a fan of the swimsuit, but I am a fan of the boobs.

So let's get to our conclusion. I give this girl a 9.3/10 for her tits. They're perfectly perky, her nipple shape and color are pretty much perfect, though they're really veiny.

Unfortunately, someone found out who this girl was and blackmailed her and she hasn't returned to reddit ever since. What a shame. rip in peace exilevilify.

And to all the haters out there, fuck youuuuuu

jSYbj4x.jpg

Stay tuned, next time we examine pretty good tits.

Let's be real, you didn't read anything I typed smh

Yosodog

Top 20 Score History

I'm bored and I have a SHIT LOAD of stats so might as well do something cool. I put it into excel and I don't want to redo every color and shit so here it is:

l0HF0f9.png

lol At UPN's drop

Anyways, if you wanna play with the data I've attached a .csv with it.

top20.csv

Yosodog

Stats Updates

I know not many of you people use these tools but I might as well update you all on them.

I've moved the tools to a sub-domain to avoid cloudflare so they don't timeout (so no ssl :(). 

Anyways, you can go explore them for yourself: http://stats.bkpw.net If you have ideas about tools let me know. I can basically do... anything.

Most of the tools have been re-added with a few extras:

  • Individual Nation Stats
  • A Raid Finder!
    • Checks nations in your range
    • Checks if the nation is in beige
    • Checks if the nation is in an alliance with less than 10 members
    • Checks if the alliance is on our no-raid list
    • Check if the nation has open slots

Remember to always follow the raiding rules. The raid finder obviously does not check if the alliance is protected or meets other criteria. 

Yosodog

Need help finding targets? Well I have the tool for you!

During war, there will be a button added to the stats page located here: https://bkpw.net/stats

The button: Find Target.

Type in your score and BOOM it'll find people in whichever alliance we're at war with in your range that do not have full defensive slots or in beige.

War slots are updated every :15 and :45 of every hour so don't look then otherwise it'll come up blank no matter what.

It also shows you how well we're doing against DEIC cuz there are almost 0 slots open.

 

I've also removed the "target generator" and "alliance nations' from the tools for now. I needa fix a few things but I don't feel like it atm.

Yosodog

Why I hate every browser

As many of you know, I'm making a game. I finally decided to see how it looked in each browser and here's the results:

Google Chrome - This is the browser that I used to test while developing. This is how it should look like:

As you can see, everything looks normal and prefect. 

Edge - Microsoft's new browser. Let's cross our fingers: Microsoft, don't let us down!

So not horrible. You can see the header picture has some weird ass cutting or whatever. Seems that their font rendering is weird, but it's an image. I have no fucking idea.

Internet Explorer - This is IE11. I fear to try any IE version less than this...

Of course IE doesn't support shit for HTML5. Same issues as Edge but at least Edge supports HTML5, smh

FIrefox - The browser that I thought would be just as good as Chrome... Unfortunately... 

WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK IS THIS? Firefox, what do you not understand about table widths? wtf? Every browser, EVEN IE, displays the tables correctly.

Anyway, this is why all the browsers should be the same, god damn it.

Yosodog

More Statistics Crap

OMG I added a few things and updated shit.

There's a new "Target List Generator" thing that will get you a bunch of military stats on the person and an "Alliance Members" thing that you can use to get a lot of info about people in an alliance.

I've also made it amazing for mobile phones if for some reason you'd want to do this shit on your phone. Also a few more little things but yeah. I'll work on more shit whenever I feel like it.

Yosodog

Statistics Updates

My blog has essentially become these kinds of updates but fuck it.

I've added another button called "Alliance History". Once you click it, a text box and submit button will pop up. Type in the alliance and pull up stats from July 7 (for most alliances). City numbers will say 0 until the 8/10 due to me not collecting that number.

Also, I am aware of duplicate rows from 8/10 to 8/14. That issue has been fixed.

If nothing is being displayed, make sure you entered the alliance name correctly.

This will allow you to easily copy and paste stats into Excel or Google Sheets to look at one particular alliance.

I've also taken out the "Nations" download button. I ran the script for 40 mins and it was still collecting nation IDs. It was super resource intensive and just wasn't worth it. What I am going to eventually do is allow you to enter in an alliance and it'll pull all their member's data, but I won't be saving the data.

Yosodog

Recent developments in my 1337 coder skillz has allowed me to take statistics of ALL alliances and ALL nations instead of only the top 50 alliances and BK nations.

If all goes well, you'll be able to download them at 3:30 AM here http://bkpw.net/stats.html

On my to-do list is to allow you to select a time range to download stats from, though with the way everything is written it'll be fairly impossible. I may just export each day to a .txt and then you can download which days you want, though that'll be in the future. For now, you download EVERYTHING.

Yosodog

We got b&

:(

Our adsense account got banned. It was banned due to "Invalid click activity consists of any clicks or impressions that may artificially inflate an advertiser's costs or a publisher's earnings, and for which we decide not to charge the advertiser. This includes, but is not limited to, clicks or impressions generated by a publisher clicking on his own ads, a publisher encouraging clicks on his ads, automated clicking tools or traffic sources, robots, or other deceptive software."

Did I ask you guys to click on ads? No, I only asked you guys to click on ads that interested you and you would've clicked on anyway.......... Oops, my pinkie laid on the period key for too long. And I sure as shit didn't click on them, I know better.

Oh well, I just wanted to thank all of you who saw and ad that interested them and clicked. We raised about $40 that we'll never see. Those fuckers. It's not worth appealing, we'll just move on.

To ad free life!

Yosodog

Statistics Download

I started collecting stats of the top 20 alliances a few days ago, and today started to collect stats for all BK nations. I wanted a way to easily download them and I figured why not let everyone download them.

On the top of the forums where the navigation is (where forums, standards, etc) are, there's a new link called "Stats". If you click that, it'll bring you to a simple page to download either the top 20 alliances or BK nations. It'll download the file in a .txt so you can use is pretty much anywhere. The downloads are updated at 3:30 EDT (2:30 in-game time) The data is separated by a tab. I'll tell you quickly how to import this data into Excel or Google Sheets.

Excel

  1. Download the file
  2. In Excel, go over to the "Data" tab
  3. Select "From Text"
  4. Browse and find the .txt file that you want to import
  5. Make sure "Delimited" is selected. It should be selected by default
  6. Select Next
  7. For Delimiters, make sure "Tab" is selected, nothing else
  8. Click "Finish"
  9. Select where you want to start to paste the data. (Usually A1)
  10. Click OK.

(You can also click and drag the file into Excel and it'll work)

Google Sheets

  1. Go to File -> Import
  2. Navigate to "Upload" and browse for the .txt file
  3. Select whichever options you like. Personally, I like "Insert new sheet(s)"
  4. For the Separator, select "Tab"
  5. Click Import

As someone who loves spreadsheets and because there's no easy way to download stats in this game, I would be in love with this. Let me know if something's wrong or you think something should be added.

Yosodog

Why Yoso, why ads?

Why have you added ads on our forums again Yoso?

I thought I should sit down and explain why I decided to add ads on our forums once again and give you all a plan as to what I plan to use with that money.

As Lelouch has said, "Greed". This is completely false. The money generated by these ads will be minimal. Like seriously. With zero clicks, it makes about two cents a day, and then each click (depending on the ad) is around $0.30. I have seen some ads pay up to $1.50 before, it really depends on your location and which ad is clicked. But let's make one thing clear, the money generated by any ads on this site is so minimal, I do not plan to pocket any at all. I have this principle that I do not like spending money on certain things, and that includes free online games. Now, I have no problem spending $12 a year for hosting, but for that $12 we do not get the best hosting at all. In fact, I figured out why emails weren't sending, it's because GoDaddy IP addresses are banned for spam. So I can't use PHP mail, or even SMTP to use a gmail. All emails are blocked that come from a GoDaddy IP and SMTP is also blocked for some reason. Now, we could go use Forumotion, but come on, who wants to use that? If we were to acquire these forums legitimately, it would cost at least $175 then $50 renewal each year. That is easily achievable given the fact that we receive almost 900,000 page visits a month. The thing is, only around 80,000 page visits each month are from users without adblock. Also, our click through rate is very low. Today, Zoot has decided to click a few ads that interested him, just by doing that, he has raised $1 for the BK fund.

Now let's move onto what I would plan to spend that money on. 

  1. Actual good hosting. Get off this GoDaddy shit and move to DigitalOcean. This will allow us to use a VPS which will enable us to do a shit ton more things with the forums. For example, we could have an IRC bouncer for BK members. We could even run a Minecraft server on that server. We could host a Teamspeak server for fucks sake. I could also allow others to host their forums on our server, or even our member's websites. We can do ANYTHING, but at the moment we're on shared hosting and it blows. It would also save me a lot of headache because I'll actually be able to fix issues rather than waiting on GoDaddy to do shit with their excellent support.
  2. SSL certificate. Yeah, we can secure your connection.
  3. In-game donations. We can add a ton of flags, advertise in-game, have another pip, give away credits in a lottery, etc. without spending 1.7m on each credit. Not only that, but we'd be supporting the game that we all play. Want to piss SK off in in-game ads? You know you want to.
  4. Remember how the arcade, economy, and awards plugins were crap? Not anymore! With the legit version we would be able to get updates and have everything fixed. We still will have to wait for the plugins to be updated, but as soon as they are BAM we got it.
  5. All the other plugins that are located in the IPS store, we can actually get. Including... SECONDARY GROUP ICONS! The way we are now, we're limited to a very small collection that are updated rarely.
  6. Actual themes instead of this one, which I made. Like holy shit that has been a pain in my ass. 
  7. Downgrade to IPB3. Anything's possible when there's money involved. I believe I could do it now, but it would probably take a day or so because I'd have to manually move and edit the database.
  8. Make my life easier. Backups are a pain in the ass and things go wrong all the time somehow. Backups would be as simple as two clicks, and restoring would take seconds. I don't think you all realize how much shit actually breaks normally. I would honestly put a lot of blame on this IPB4 update, but things still broke on IPB3 just NOT AS OFTEN. 

The day may come when we have to downgrade to SMF, and no one wants that. Like I said above, the money generated by ads will be minimal that all the money will go right back into BK. I won't quit my day job because I would be living on the streets with the amount this generates. Now if no one had adblock and this was a regular site like a blog or something, a low estimate of what it would make is $900 a month (at $1 per 1,000 impressions which is very low). It really opened by eyes as to how fucking hard it would be to make a living if you were a webmaster. 

Anyway, our domain name and hosting expires on the 26th of December. On that date, I'm more than happy to drop the $12 to renew the domain name and $10 to start hosting on Namecheap, though I would prefer not to. I would love to buy an IPB license and host that bitch on DigitalOcean. I mean, I could afford it right now, fuck, I dropped $160 on a keyboard. But like I said, fuck spending money on this shit if I can get by spending $22 for the bare minimum. Actually, we could do this for free but honestly no one wants that. Free hosting and SMF? No thanks.

I sometimes have to spend hours and rarely DAYS fixing shit on these forums. The goal is to make you all not realize it, but it happens. When I leave and go on my hiatus, things need to run without any issues. Lelouch is the only one here who would remotely have a clue as to what's going on, but I'm sure there's things that he doesn't know. He also probably won't have enough time to fix a lot of these issues. I have absolutely no problem with people using adblock because really, the impressions you're blocking wouldn't give us shit anyway. Also if there's a few people who don't want to use adblock and don't want to see ads, I'll make a group that's exempt from seeing them. I'm not here to be a Nazi Admin and throw a fuck-ton of popups and shit in your face. The minimum payout is $100 so we won't be able to do anything until we reach that.

As for the irrelevant ads, I'm looking into it. Personally, I'm having decent ads on the homepage, but when I go within any forums or login protected pages, the ads become shit. I'm also experimenting with different ad placements. Nothing will be intrusive though. For example, one banner ad in the footer. I also just placed a larger ad on the right sidebar to see what's up. 

So if you see an ad that looks interesting to you and you made a decision by yourself that was in no way influenced to click it because you want to find out more information about that ad, go for it. Each click helps the BK fund grow so that we can have some money to have fun with and do cool shit. 

tl;dr: Click interesting ads if you find them interesting and were not influenced to do so.

Yosodog

So I was going through some Google Analytics and found some pretty funny shit. After my post about "Finding the perfect tits" we had an increase in search queries. Take a look:

So I decided to see if Googling "These tits are perfect" if we would show up high on the first page... well....

Go ahead and Google some of these things. Like "The Perfect Tits" we show up on the second page. 

So I've decided, in order to get more members, we shall host a fuck ton of porn. 

o/ The Perfect Tits. The quest continues!

Yosodog

Welcome to a new series called "The Quest for Perfect Tits". Basically, the title describes what is going on here. I will sacrifice myself, and look at a bunch of different tits in order to find the perfect pair.

So, without further adieu, here we go.

Everyone's opinions on tits are different. As always, my views are the best and the correct way to think. We will be going through the following criteria:

  1. Nipple Size - I'm not a big fan of huge nipples or areolas.
  2. Boob Size - There IS such thing as too big (Stay tuned), and there's also a thing as too small. I'm no expert in bra sizes, but I do know the perfect size when I see them.
  3. Perkiness - Saggy tits? Hell yeah! I'm kidding though, they can't be too perky that they're fake, they have to be just right

As always, we will only be judging tits. The body and face that surrounds the tits will not be included in the ratings.

LET'S GET STARTED. For this, we will be using r/boobs for sources of pictures.

Well, I think we've found our perfect tits. This is the #1 rated post on r/boobs and it's there for a reason. The nipple size is perfect, and the areolas are around the right size. The color of the nipples is pretty much perfect too. The boob size? Pretty much perfect. Perkiness? This is almost too perfect. 10/10

These are pretty nice. The nipple/areola size is a tad large, but is proportional to the tit size. I think the best thing about these tits are the roundness. They're quite perky for their size but I'm getting this fake tits vibe from it. Also, the nipple piercing is horrible. Though, overall, decent tits 8,5/10

Is it just me or are these not that great? They're far from bad and I'd still motorboat them, but they're far from perfect. They're fine in pretty much every way, but they're not that perky. Now, they're far from saggy, but they hang and they're quite spread apart. If these were in a bra, they'd be absolutely perfect. I don't know, there's just something about these tits that don't register with me. 8/10

 

Well that's all for episode 1. I probably won't do another one of these but if I get bored I will.

Yosodog

We Have Ads!

Before you go saying I'm a greedy little fuck, FUCK YOU.

Anyway, I've decided to do a trial run with ads. I've added a banner ad at the bottom of the page so that it is not distracting at all (trust me, I wanted to put them all over the place but I didn't want to piss Jimmy off). Basically, all profit generated by the ads will go towards making these forums better. From a better host, to an SSL certificate, I plan to improve these forums with the money generated. Not only that, but we can put some money into the game by having lotteries where you get 6 credits towards your nation and such.

So I ask that everyone disables adblock. We get a shit ton of views every month (almost a million last month) and this could generate some serious cash towards the forums. For example, we could get a good copy of the awards plugin, the arcade plugin, the economy plugin, etc (when they get updated to IPS4). If you don't know how to white list our site, click the adblock icon on your browser, should be near the top right, and find something along the lines of "Allow ads on this site". Boom, you're done and you've helped BK.

As always, it's your choice to run adblock on this site. I won't force you to white list our forums but I will think less of you.

>inb4 Shifty calls me a money whore
>inb4 Jimmy calls me a greedy shit
>inb4 Strum says gg
>inb4 An example of NPO from Magic
>inb4 Hooker Money
>inb4 Fuck you Yoso
>inb4 These forums suck
>inb4 We shouldn't have upgraded
>inb4 Hot single mothers in your area

>inb4 inb4

Yosodog

April Site Stats

So holy fuck was April a good month for activity. WE WERE 7K HITS OFF 1 MILLION. God damn it April, why did you have to have only 30 days?

This is a typical chart of the hits per day:

fcquHSk.png

Those spikes are interesting. I don't remember what happened on those days but... nice

I'm not going to do the "days of the week" or "most popular hours" chart, but I will tell you that Thursday is the most popular day. It's interesting, starting on Monday it's the lowest, then it increases until it tops off on Thursday, then decreases again.

In April, we had a total of 993,332 hits, with 6,016 unique visitors (who the fuck are these people?), and a total of only 3.88 GB of bandwidth used. April had a super much higher level of activity for some reason, here's a pie chart comparing the months of 2015.

Aun00YF.png

I always find these really interesting to see and stuff, and you might as well. So there it is!

Yosodog

March Site Stats

I always find this interesting. Here's the site stats for the BK PW forums for the month of March. As always, the numbers exclude traffic generated by robots, worms, or replies with special HTTP status codes.

march.png

Yosodog

(Warning: Contains NSFW words. Stop being a pussy.)

What makes boobies so attractive? This is a question that comes across my mind a lot. You go outside (In the case of LordStrum, you don't go outside) and you see a pair of attractive titties and you can't help but look. Even most women claim to love a nice pair of tits. We must go deep and figure out this answer!

Think about it, boobs are fucking weird. They're big blobs of fat with a nipple on them that produce milk. And yet, I can never get bored of looking at titties.

Interestingly, when a baby is sucking on a females titties, the mother's brain releases a neurochemical named oxytocin, AKA, the "love drug." This drug plays a huge role in the neuroanatomy of intimacy, and helps mothers pay attention and love their baby. Recent studies show that this drug is not only released when a baby is breast feeding, but also during any kind of nipple simulation. It activates the same part of the brain when you're fucking or eating her out. So suck on her titties during foreplay and she's gonna be ready to get some lovin', and potentially babies. If you're not catching my flow here, evolution has made it so men want to suck on titties, as women will become more intimate with a mate who sucks her tits and is more likely to reproduce. So men, suck dem nipples. Here's a quote from a website that doesn't say who said it but it sounds about right: "Evolution has selected for this brain organization in men that makes them attracted to the breasts in a sexual context, because the outcome is that it activates the female bonding circuit, making women feel more bonded with him. It's a behavior that males have evolved in order to stimulate the female's maternal bonding circuitry."

So why are boobs so attractive to humans but not other mammals? It's theorized that this is because humans form monogamous relationships. Why? I don't know because my source doesn't fucking say. The second theory is that humans mostly have sex face to face, whereas when most other animals fuck, they fuck doggy style. Why do gorillas like big butts? Cuz they fuck from behind. Because we fuck face to face, the nipples are right there in your face. So you see titties when you're fucking, so you associate boobies with mating. Hmm......

Boobs are honestly a sack of fat, but holy fuck they're so attractive. I guess you could sum it all up into this: Boobs = Sex. Sex = Mating. Mating = Reproduction and winning at evolution. Honestly though, no one knows exactly why. Scientists are pretty sure that boobs are associated with mating and that's why we find them so attractive but it is all theories. But seriously, who gives a shit? I love tits and that's that.

I hope you learned something today. Stay tuned to Yoso's Corner because next time, I may be posting about ass vs. tits. I don't know.

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